Dear Abby: My estranged father is trying to turn our relatives against me
Dear Abby,
My father and I have had a difficult relationship since I was a teenager. Although I was raised in his home, our values differ greatly, and he takes it personally. I left as soon as I could and have lived my life independently since then.
After a few years without contact, my father asked to reconnect more regularly. We tried, but every conversation turned into an argument. Now, he is telling relatives that I cut off contact and am keeping him away from my children.
I suggested working with a family counselor to improve communication, but he refused. He has dragged my siblings, aunts, and cousins into the conflict, forcing them to pick sides. I want to protect my relationships with the rest of my family, but I don’t know how if he continues this behavior.
For context: I’m 30, married, have a college degree and a stable job. We own a home in a nice neighborhood and watch our kids play soccer on weekends.
— My Own Man in Missouri
Dear Own Man,
How well is your father's attempt to isolate you working? Are you maintaining healthy bonds with your other family members? If not yet, explain clearly to your relatives your father's controlling actions.
"I wanted us to work with a mediator to find a healthier way of talking with each other. I am no longer sure it is realistic."
"He is involving my siblings, aunts and cousins and making them choose sides."
Protecting relationships amid such family strife requires openness with your loved ones about the situation and setting firm boundaries.
Summary: A man struggles to maintain family ties as his estranged father spreads discord and refuses mediation, urging relatives to understand the father's controlling behavior while safeguarding their own relationships.